Fifth Time's a Charm

Well it's official. I'm taking the ACT again, even if it causes me to have a nervous breakdown. Which has been happening a lot lately.

I made the mistake of telling my parents that I changed my mind, that I didn't want to take the ACT again. The worst part is I told them in public. Crying in public is actually awful.

After I said I didn't want to do it, to sum up about 30 minutes of arguing, my parents have come to the conclusion that 1. A 31 is good, but not good enough. It's not going to be enough to get me as much money as they want me to get. 2. Yes, they realize I've taken the ACT four times and that I have gotten a 30 the past 2 times, but they believe that the fifth time around I will definitely get at least a 32. But if I get a 30 again, that's okay, because I pushed myself to fail again. And 3. I'm an underachiever. I basically do enough to get by, which isn't good enough. I never go all the way, I never get straight A's, and compared to anyone else who wants the same scholarship as me, I'm practically toast.

So while these are valid statements, they completely contradict what I've been told before. That's the part that really gets me. First of all, when I got a 30, it shows where I'm ranked in the country. I'm in the top 97th percentile. And that's all they would keep telling me. I was beating myself up for a 30 and they kept telling me how good that was. (Which, out of the blue, it suddenly isn't good anymore?) Before I took the ACT for the fourth time, I was also told that it was the last time I would ever have to take it. Well I guess what they actually meant is that it would be the last time as long as I got the score they wanted. So I have to take it again, including my third class, as long as I get the score they want. I'm sure if I get a 30 the fifth time then I'll go in for round six, because I'm a slacker and I honestly need to get my act together. How dare me take two classes and the test four times and let them down. I'm pretty selfish. And I don't try hard. Obviously.

I think I'm just going to give up any kind of happiness and prove to my parents that I do try. I understand it won't be trying hard enough, but maybe, just maybe, they'll recognize my efforts.